


Beside You

by Gage



Series: Time After Time [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Whump, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:01:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21577951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gage/pseuds/Gage
Summary: He thinks maybe the California heat’s finally gotten to him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Time After Time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555069
Comments: 58
Kudos: 259





	1. Chris and Buck's Not So Excellent Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> First off I wanna thank my beta Sara for getting me through this crazy story, Jen for pushing me through my self-doubt. HUGE thanks to all the amazing people in the writers-help section in the 9-1-1 discord, yah are so amazing for answering all my weird-ass questions. Honestly best people in the world. They're the ones who encouraged me to write this out and kept pushing me forward. 
> 
> As this story progresses I will be adding more tags, if you think I missed one please let me know. I promise it has a happy ending.

* * *

Buck honestly doesn't realize what it is that he's seeing exactly. He thinks maybe the California heat’s finally gotten to him. All he knows is that he can hear a slight cry and an angry shout. He doesn't know where it's coming from until he sees them… walkers. 

No one knows how it started, people just started getting sick out of nowhere. Hospitals became overrun with wounded, and the next thing anyone knows, the dead were rising. It was something out of an old horror movie. Anyone he knew was gone way before it happened, except for his sister, but he hadn't seen her in three years. It broke his heart when she left him behind, cutting off all contact from him. Buck had chosen to strike out on his own after, and when the Navy thing fell through, he'd chosen to travel the world for a bit. He came back to the states after falling for... no. There was no use in thinking about her. 

Buck shook his head bringing himself back to the present: the walkers in front of him, surrounding an old tree. They’re being pelted by rotten fruit, and it startles a laugh out of him. Oh God. Something heavy settles in his gut as he realizes that there’s a kid up the tree shouting obscenities at them. Buck picks up the bat he'd acquired a couple of towns over, telling himself that he'd only needed a few good swings. And it’s all going well until he calls up to the kid in the tree and gets fired on. 

"Jesus, kid!." 

Buck had managed to duck behind an abandoned car on the other side of the tree. He takes a few deep breaths before daring to peer over the top of the car, and he nearly has a heart attack when he feels something graze his head. He ducks back down when he hears it. 

"N— next one g— goes in your brainpan!" 

He's being shot at by a tiny kid in an orange tree, and Buck doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry at how weird it is. "You got good aim,” he shouts back, “I'll give you that." 

A damn good aim, in fact. He was sure that the kid could have killed him if that had been his intention. Buck reaches up and wipes the side of his head. There's blood on his fingers now. He'd been grazed but not by much. 

"My dad taught me," the boy states.

"Bet he's really proud." If he wasn't, he damned well should be. Buck presses the sleeve of his shirt to the wound on his head. It stings but it reminds him that he's still here. He takes a chance and waves his bloody hand over the top of the car and raises the other to show he means no harm. When no other shots ring out, he sighs in relief, then hoists himself up onto the top of the car. Peering at where he can see a leg dangling down from the branch, he sees something shiny attached to it. It’s a leg brace, though it looks half-broken, possibly from the climb to get up there. The kid doesn’t seem to be injured, but his jeans are covered in mud and could be covering up anything. 

"He is..." the kid responds slowly.

Buck had almost forgotten the conversation, and he smiles as he tries to picture this kid’s dad, teaching him how to aim properly. "I'm Buck," He introduces himself. He flexes his fingers, shaking off the blood that hasn't dried just yet, and pulls out a wet wipe from a side pocket to try and clean off the rest. Hears the kid shifting in the tree before a dirt-smudged face peers down at him, and dang if this wasn't the cutest kid he'd ever seen. He has dark blond curls and grayish-blue eyes that narrow down at him. Buck places a hand on his chest, feeling like the kid is calling him out. "Evan,” he adds. “Nobody but my sister calls me that, though." He makes a face, remembering the last time Maddie had called him...

The kid smiles, he can hear a quiet laugh before the kid is taking a deep breath, shifting one more time. Buck thinks he's going to go back to hiding then, which is a shame. It had been so long since Buck spoke to anyone. Most people he met either tried to mug him or kill him. The world had turned into such a nasty place. Buck wonders how this kid is able to smile at all.

"Christopher," the boy says.

"I'm sorry?"

"My name," he explains. Buck has to hold back a laugh and thinks he manages just fine. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Christopher."

Turns out Christopher Diaz is eight years old, is smart as a whip but sweet too. He has cerebral palsy (hence the braces), missing crutches, lost his glasses the day before, and has a family that is fiercely protective of him. He'd been taken from his home by a mean lady who didn't make it before the flood came in from the coast. Christopher had been trying to make his way back home but got lost. 

"Hey, Christopher?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Why were you throwing fruit if you had a gun?" 

Christopher looks at him with curious eyes, like he's taking his time thinking. That's just fine with Buck. He's in no rush considering that they're not in any immediate danger here. He shifts so that his legs aren't in danger of losing circulation. He doesn’t really want his legs falling asleep on him if he needed a quick exit. Buck nearly misses the answer though. Christopher finally takes his right hand out of his pocket, showing bullets that haven't been used yet. "I'm almost out." He says this like it's something shameful. Buck nods before he replies, holding out his empty hands. "I ran out two cities ago," he admits. It gets another laugh out of the kid and hearing it makes his heart feel warm. 

~*~

It's nearly sundown when Buck manages to convince Christopher to come down from the orange tree. He lets him think it over before the kid nods and shifts backward, reaching for something Buck can't see. He stands just below where he can see the kid's feet dangling. When he can see Christopher fully, the kid has a backpack that doesn't look like it belongs to any kid. Buck catches it before it hits his face and can hear Christopher giggling. He swings the large duffel down to the ground, before reaching up with both hands. "Your turn, buddy." This is where it comes down to the real trust. They'd spent all day talking, that much was true, but this kid was trusting him not only to catch him but to keep him safe. 

God, he hopes he can keep this kid-safe long enough to get him back to his family. 

~*~ 

Buck finds an abandoned house and goes through it thoroughly before deeming it safe for the night. He barricades the back door and makes sure that the windows are shut tight. Buck finds a bedroom and places the bed on the furthest side of the wall away from the window and door, then goes downstairs where Christopher is holding up a can of what looks to be peaches. He wonders why the kid looks so sad before he watches him throw it across the room. Christopher rubs his face against the sleeve of his jacket. Buck makes sure that he makes his steps a little bit louder as he enters the kitchen. The kid looks up, and Buck thanks God he had made his presence known because that knife in his hand looks entirely too big and very sharp. Where in the hell did he find that?

Buck holds up his hands. "It's just me."

Christopher nods, and slowly lowers the Bowie knife, inserting it somewhere near his left pant leg. The black jeans had hidden a lot, and Buck hadn't even thought about why that was so wrong on a kid so small. 

"We can stay here, for now, then head out in the morning... find your family." 

Traveling at night was dangerous enough by himself, with a kid it would be worse. People had gotten really desperate out there, and he'd be damned if he let anything happen to Christopher. Buck takes a breath before looking between the kid and the staircase, little man had been fiercely independent, assuring Buck that he could walk even with the broken brace and the one crutch. He didn't want to take that from him. Christopher seems to get his dilemma because he shuffles over real slow like. Buck prays it's because he wasn't injured any more than he'd already been. He gets close enough to the stairs before he looks up at him and raises an arm. 

Buck bends at the knee, gently pulling Christopher up into his arms. He can feel the trembling in the poor kid's body. Buck starts up the stairs, bringing a hand up to rub Christopher's back. How long had he been up in that tree before Buck came along? He couldn't understand how anyone who'd seen him wouldn't try to help. He turns left at the top of the stairs and enters the room he'd prepared for them and puts Christopher down on the bed. He kneels down till he's at the boy’s eye level. "I know things are scary right now,” he starts, “but I promise, I will do my best to keep you safe ‘till we find your family." He reaches up pushing back the curls away from Christopher's face. 

The kid nods, before he shuffles backward on the bed, undoing the velcro on his sneakers but not removing them. Buck moves back to the other side of the room digging into the duffel bag and pulling out two water bottles. He hands one to Chris and does a double-take when he turns it upside down, removes the label, small fingers skimming the side and eyes narrowing down as if looking for something. It clicks in Buck's head what it is he's doing— feels his heart drop and his stomach clench. What the hell kind of people had this kid met that he automatically checked for things like that? 

As if reading his mind Christopher looks up at him. "The lady that took me, g— gave me bottles like this." 

Holy shit. If that lady wasn't already dead Buck would have made sure she wished she was. 

"It made me sleepy all the time." 

"The peaches downstairs?" 

Christopher shrugs his shoulders, "I... I got too smart, she put it..." 

Buck couldn't stand on the other side of the room anymore. He put his arms out letting Christopher lean into him, and as they sat on the small bed, he could feel a burning rage build inside of him at the thought of anyone trying to hurt this sweet kid. Buck presses a kiss into the kid's soft curls. No one was gonna hurt this kid ever again— not on his watch. 

~*~ 

Buck doesn't know what wakes him up. He'd fallen asleep slumped on the small bed and Christopher's warm body was curled up near the wall, one hand still hanging on to Buck's arm and the other holding a stuffed wolf. Buck tilts his head to the side trying to pick up any sound, but so far all he hears is the kid's light breathing. Buck slowly slides away from Christopher, plants his feet on the floor, and rubs a hand across his face trying to wake himself up. 

Christopher had opened up a little more the night before like he'd been waiting for someone to just listen. He told Buck about how his Aunt Hen had taught him how to hold a weapon in his hands, how to pretend it was part of him. Auntie Thena had taught him that weapons weren't a toy— that you needed to respect them and treat them good. Uncle Chim had been the one to show him the bowie knife, and how it had multiple uses for basic survival. Aunt Addie had taught him how to clean a wound the right way and ‘improbise’ with things around you— it's why he was wearing the brace when Buck found him. He also told him about how his uncle Bobby had taught him the differences between something that was edible and something that would make his stomach sick. That's how he knew the food they had tried to give him wasn't good. The gun— a 9mm— had belonged to Christopher's dad, who had been in the army before this whole end of the world thing started. According to Christopher, his dad hadn't wanted him to have a weapon, had yelled at Aun Hen and Aunt Athena for a long time before Uncle Bobby took him outside. He explained that a few days later, his dad took him to their armory, and after a long talk, taught him how to hold the gun, clean it, and reload it. Most importantly, he was never to point it at someone unless he was going to shoot. Buck had been so damned surprised that he hadn't said a word, except to tell Christopher how lucky he was to have such a loving if a little crazy, family. 

"They can be yours too Buck..." Those were the kid’s last words before he fell asleep. It warmed his heart to think of Christopher trying to share his family. 

That wasn't something Buck had, not for the longest time— not since Maddie had left home with her boyfriend, leaving him in a practically empty home. Their parents hadn't exactly approved of any significant others, Maddie’s even less than his. So Buck had never bothered getting to know anyone more than a few nights before he was out of town. Then this whole thing started and he'd met Abby Clark who'd change his view on things. She’d opened his heart up to new possibilities and had shown him there could be light in this dark world. It had been a good couple of months before she'd walked away from him. He never blamed her for her choices, but his heart had been broken. Buck has been on his own for nearly a year before he came across Christopher in that orange tree. 

With a sigh, he goes to his bag on the floor so he can change his clothes quietly as possible. Christopher needs sleep more than he does. He checks the windows before he checks the door, and that's when he hears it— the slow shuffle of feet against the wooden floor. Someone or something is downstairs. Buck carefully zips up the duffle bag and makes his way over to the bed. Reaching out, he gently squeezes Christopher's side to wake him. He doesn't have to wait long before the kid is sitting up, a frown on his face, mouth opening to ask what was going on, but Buck shakes his head, raising a finger to his own lips. The change in Christopher's body is instant, and Buck hates seeing him go from relaxed and refreshed to tense and scared. Buck helps Chris redo his sneakers and straighten out the brace on his leg. They had fixed it last night during Christopher's talk. Buck tugs on their jackets and makes sure that the weapons are strapped to where they'd been before. They make their way to the window furthest from the wall and Buck slowly slides’ it open, trying to keep the noise down to a minimum. He turns in place picking up Christopher and making sure to get a leg out first to keep his balance as he pulls them both out of the window. 

It's when he's grabbing the duffle bag that he realizes his mistake and it nearly costs him— it's stuck. It's a gut instinct that has him reaching out with his free hand to keep Christopher from sliding off the roof. The sound of his sneakers hitting the panels is loud way too loud for anybody to miss. Buck's pretty sure they're sharing the same wide-eyed look of fear, but he pushes that all down and swings Christopher onto this back. The kid grabs onto him like he's Spider-Man and Buck yanks the duffel and makes a run for it across the roof and comes up short at the tree. It's too far to leap just from here. "Okay kid, hang on as tight as you can." He gives Christopher a few seconds as he pulls the strap of the duffle bag over his head. He feels the kids' arms and legs tighten around him before he starts to back up, then he takes a running leap off the roof and into the tree in the next yard. 

If Buck ever meets Christopher's dad, he hopes to hell the kid will leave this part out. 

~*~ 

It wasn't until they'd gotten more than a few blocks in the opposite direction that Buck had chosen to slow down. There were a few shops that had clearly been broken into, though he can’t tell if they were recent break-ins or not. Buck knows he should care about that but with the adrenaline fading, he’s starting to feel wiped. There’s only so much he can process at the moment. He can feel the ache in his arms where he'd grabbed onto the branches of that tree to keep their fall from being too rough, And he knows dang well there's bruising on the side of his face from where he'd face-planted the side of the tree. Buck can also feel a slight tingling in his leg like it had fallen asleep or something when he'd hit the ground. Jarring pain had pushed him into running before he could even assess any kind of injury. Buck now knows that was a huge mistake. Christopher has been silent this entire time and that, more than anything, worries him. He reaches up, patting the arm that's still tight around his chest. "Still with me?" Buck smiles a bit when he feels Christopher nodding against his back. 

First things first— find a place to hunker down for a few to assess any long-lasting damage. It's surprisingly easy to find an empty house. He makes damned sure that's it’s really empty before letting them settle down in one of the bathrooms. He checks on Christopher first, making sure that he doesn't have anything broken or sprained. Aside from a few scrapes on his hands and one on his cheek, the kid’s okay. 

"Your turn, Buck." 

It's not easy. The strap had tightened a little too much, leaving a bruising mark on his back, but luckily, his front side, though achey, had been cushioned by the duffle bag. Now came the hard part. He lifts the leg of his jeans and there's already blood running down from his knees. Theres slight swelling and a bit of redness in his leg, but it doesn't look too serious. A small snick sound has him looking up. Christopher has pulled a first aid kit out of the bag and is sorting through it. He smiles as the kid hands him a water bottle that he's already checked over and opened for him. Buck's heart aches for this sweet little boy. 

"Aunt Addie says it's good to be prepared." 

"That's a really good thing to remember, Christopher." 

The kid bites his lip before he continues, eyes shining with mischief. "She also says not to be a dumbass..." 

Buck can't help but crack up. This kid. He leans forward pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

~*~ 

Buck's pretty sure he's tired of seeing the back of houses, but he knows they've got some ways to go before they can reach their destination. Christopher rides high on his shoulders as they walk through the seemingly empty neighborhood. They'd taken to walking through the dirt roads to keep out of sight but ran out of those a while ago. They were coming up in the city now, thank God. It’s been five days since they've met and Buck already knew in his heart that he wouldn't let anything happen to this kid. He would walk through hell for him if that’s what it took. And just as that thought enters his mind, he hears the sound of a branch breaking. He doesn't stop to think, just keeps moving. He can feel Christopher tense above him. Buck reaches up with his right hand, palm open, and the kid doesn't hesitate when he hands over the gun that's been holstered at his side. They'd been lucky enough to raid an empty precinct, and even luckier to find ammunition. Buck taps the side of Christopher's leg with his free hand, the kid pulls up his hoodie, slides carefully down so his butt is resting on the duffle bag, adjust his grip on Buck's shoulder so he's not holding him back. They'd practice this a million times before they left the shop. It was the best defense for the two of them. 

This is only the second time they've had to do this, and it didn't make it any less terrifying for Buck. So when he feels Christopher shrink down on himself, he swings the gun in the direction of the sound that caught his ears, heart pounding away in his chest as he prays that it's just some dumb animal and not another desperate human being. 

~*~ 

In some ways, Buck wished it had been a human being. At least with people, he could discourage them from following along. Maybe then the dumb dog that had scared the crap out of them wouldn't be a good three feet behind them at every dang turn for the last few days. The German Shepherd has been relentless, almost as much as Christopher, who’d insisted they keep him. The kid had turned those round blue-gray eyes on him, making him look so adorable. And it’s hard to say no to that cuteness. So, here they stood at the top of what looked to be near the end of Eaton Canyon Falls trail with an empty stretch of road ahead of them. They needed to find a place to settle for the night and rest up. Christopher may be small for his age, but carrying him for more than a few hours at a time was murder on his back. They could probably afford to slow down a bit now that they had hit close to their destination.

They make it to a nearby neighborhood that looks empty enough, picking out a stable looking house. It takes a little shorter than usual to make sure the house is clear. Thor (yeah they’d both been Marvel fans) sniffs about the place. Nothing stands out to either of them. Buck fights a yawn, these past few days already catching up with him. They stick to the ground floor and go over each other's injuries. Fortunately, there are no new ones, so they make sure to clean and repatch the old ones. Buck also makes sure to reinforce the brace on Christopher's leg before they settle in for the night. There isn’t much in the way of food, and Buck has tried to remain optimistic, so he gives the kid as much as he can before Christopher makes a face at him, and tells him not to be a dumbass— he had to eat too. Buck manages to sneak some scraps to Thor as well. 

"Language," he half-heartedly scolds the boy.

Buck smirks at him as Christopher gasps then throws his head back laughing. It's a split second before he stops and covers his mouth, eyes widening in semi-horror. It breaks his heart to see it happen— how this world has changed this kid’s way of being. He leans into Christopher's side, putting his arm around his small shoulders. "It's okay Chris," Buck assures the boy, letting him bury himself into his side as he cries. "I've gotcha kid. It's gonna be okay."

Later, he regrets saying that.

~*~ 

The first thing he notices when he wakes up out of his light doze is that someone is in the house with them. Chris is sleeping curled into his side, and Buck can hear it's too late for them to escape. Thor is at their feet, alert, a low growl rumbling from his throat. Buck reaches out stroking Thor's ears, calming the dog down before he wakes Chris up. Placing his fingers on his lips when Christopher opens his eyes, he waits till the kid is alert and sitting up to move towards the door. He opens it just a bit and tries to look out into the hallway, the sun coming up has lit the opposite end and he can see something shuffling side to side. 

Two somethings. Three some— Fuck. 

**Walkers.**

Buck slowly closes the door and moves backward towards Christopher, whos already on his feet and waiting for him, eyes wide with fear but already taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Glancing around the room, he realizes the windows are too small for him to fit through, but Chris is just the right size. His heart is racing and knows he's only got a second to make a choice. It takes a split second for Christopher to understand what's wrong, and he starts to shake his head before Buck can even get a word out. "No," he whispers sharply, a frown marring his round face. 

"Christopher, I don't have time to argue." 

"Don't be a dumbass." 

It takes everything inside him not to cry, knows the hot sting in his eyes won't give. He kneels down till he's at eye-level with Christopher and brings one hand down onto his shoulders while the other one cups the back of his neck. "You know I can't fit through those windows, but you're just the right size, Spider-Man." 

"Buck, no." It comes out more of a whine, and Christopher shakes his head, small fists grabbing at his jacket. 

"I'm gonna lift you, and lower you down. As soon—" 

"No," Christopher's face seems to crumble as he starts crying, and Buck's heart is racing. 

"Shh..." He pulls the kid into his arms and holds him for a few seconds. He knows that he doesn't have much time. If those walkers hear Chris, they're dead where they stand. He only saw three, but that doesn't mean there weren't more. So, as firm, as he can he stands’ the kid back up, cupping his chin and making sure he looks him right in the eyes. 

"Christopher, I need you to listen to me, okay." Buck feels more than sees him nod. "I'm gonna lower you out the back window." Jesus, getting his words out is harder than he thought. "And you're gonna find a place to hide. Don't make a sound. I'm gonna go around and Thor's gonna come find you, ok?" At his name, the dog's ears perk up and he walks over to them. 

"Don't leave me." 

Buck shakes his head bringing Christopher back into his arms, pressing a kiss to his soft curls. "You are so brave kid, and now, you gotta do this one thing." Buck reluctantly pulls away from him, and an idea hits’ him out of nowhere. Digging into his pockets for something. Buck smiles as he pulls out a strong silver chain, there's a heart-shaped pendant hanging from it, in the middle of the locket was a blue dragon's breath glass opal. He doesn't even hesitate before placing it around Christopher's neck, the heart-shaped locket hanging down over his heart. "My big sister gave me this before she left— said wherever she went, I'd always have a piece of her with me." He taps on the glass opal with his index finger. "And now... you'll have a piece of me with you. See this part here, blue dragon's breath is for protection." At least, that's the story Maddie had told him when she gave it to him. He'd been too angry at the time to really hear what she was saying. He hopes Chris won't be angry with him after this. 

Buck makes sure to tuck it into Christopher's shirt. He'd stopped crying but only because he was trying to look brave. He bet anything that he was still as terrified as Buck was feeling right now. Watery blue-gray eyes stared back at him as if trying to memorize his face. "It's only for a few minutes I promise." Christopher frowns, tear-stained cheeks scrunching up and Buck's heart drops as he watches him turn in place and slowly shuffle towards the too-small window. Buck lets him have this anger, recognizes it for what it is. Waits till Christopher is by the window before gathering the one bag that will fit through. Takes a deep breath, and sets it by the kids' feet. Curls a hand around the back of his neck, "I'll be right behind you spiderman." 

Buck hopes it's a promise he can keep. 

~*~ 

In hindsight, he should have known better. Getting out of the house was easier said than done. After he'd lowered Christopher out of the back window, along with the duffle, he'd grabbed his bat and made his way down the hall towards the back door. He forgot that it had been boarded it up. "Fuck." Heart pounding away in his chest he lifts the bat and moves towards the front end of the house, but the walkers are gone with no sign of them anywhere. "What the f..." 

Oh god. 

Christopher. 

He hears Thor start barking up a storm outside. Buck whirls around in a panic. He'd seen this done before. He'd fallen for it once and only once. Holy shit. Buck races out of the house, gripping the bat tightly and pushes past the nauseating feeling in his stomach. He runs towards the loud sound of Thor— that stupid, loveable dog is barking and growling. 

Someone is crying out. 

Buck rounds the corner in time to see some guy on the ground, his arm in Thor's jaw. The sun is gleaming off of something laying beside the guy, as he gets closer he can see it. The only crutch Christopher had left. Buck honestly doesn't remember what happens next, his mind was a red hot haze. He'd somehow called Thor off the guy, and hauled him up. "Where is **he**??" Buck yells shaking the man in his grasp. All he can think about is that promise he made to that sweet boy, his heart cracking into pieces as he lays punch after punch into the guy. He doesn't realize he's crying until he hears his own name being called from somewhere behind them. 

Gasping, he lets the guy drop down onto the ground. He whirls around trying to see through watery eyes and strains his ears thinking maybe he'd imagined it. Then he sees it, a sliver of light flashing. It's coming from underneath the vehicle across the lawn. It shines in his eye for a split second before he realizes what it is. "Christopher," he exhales.

Buck stumbles across the lawn and drops down to the grass. He grabs at Christopher's jacket and pulls him forward and out from under the car. Buck runs his hand up and around his back, checking for any injuries, lips trembling as he takes it all in. Christopher just stands there, letting him just look. A split second later he's throwing his arms around his neck, small body colliding into his chest. 

Buck can finally breathe. 

~*~ 

It takes the better part of the day for them to reach and get through Pasadena. They're dirty, tired, and could use a long hot shower. Buck's got Christopher dozing off in his arms, and Thor takes the lead. Buck has been motivated these last few streets to keep walking, afraid that if they stopped again something worse would happen. They'd been lucky before, but it felt like they'd also had one too many close calls. Something keeps niggling at the back of his mind. He's been on his own for a year and never has he had so much shit happen in the span of a few days. It felt like he was missing something, but his brain was working too slow to fill in any missing pieces. Buck reaches up, lightly squeezing Christopher's side. It takes a second but Christopher is alert and looking around. "It's okay, just gotta rest for a bit." 

"Are we almost home Buck?" 

"Almost." 

Buck is relieved that he doesn't have to pop the kids' hope. As exhausted as he feels, he's so glad he chose to push through to get here. Even if here brings an old ache in his heart. He recognizes the neighborhood and man, if this wasn't just the shittiest situation ever. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he was being punished, only he doesn't know what the fuck for. Buck slowly puts Christopher down on the sidewalk and adjusts the pack on his back. The air is a little stuffy out here making his shirt stick to his skin. Glancing down at Christopher, he took note of his damp shirt, yeah they really could use a good shower. And just like that, the clouds above seem to break and... Christopher starts laughing as the light rain comes down on them. Buck can't help but laugh with him, it stirs something warm in his chest. 

"Ok, I think it's time we find some cover." The rain was light enough for them to walk through, but he didn't want to risk the chance of them getting caught out in the open like this. 

~*~ 

It's the crack of a gun going off that has him pushing Christopher down onto the ground, and pulling him around an abandoned jeep. Heart pounding in his chest, it doesn't compute in his brain how it had happened. He should have paid more attention, they'd just come out of the house after resting and eating. Christopher had helped him with their map, and Buck had been so relieved that they were so close to his family. 

“Come on out, Buckley!” A voice yells. “We just want the boy!” 

Fuck. 

Holy shit it was **them.**

And just like that Buck was thrown back a year. 

_The walkers that had been purposely released into their safe space... Abby screaming for her mother._

_Buck raising the gun to her head. Abby screaming at him not to..._

_The crack of the bullet leaving the gun to keep her mother from feeling anything..._

Thor barking by his side brings him back to the present. Christopher's entire body is shaking, while he tries to press a hand into his side, just above his hip. It feels like the worst kind of burn. At first, he's a little more than confused, doesn't remember hitting anything on the way down... until he sees the Christopher bringing his hand back and it's... it's red. 

"Fuck." He's been shot. 

"Language." 

Christopher isn't fighting back those tears anymore. Buck tries to smile, but he's pretty sure he can't pull it off. At least he hadn't been bitten that had to count for something. Thor starts to whirl around, ears up, fur standing on end. Buck pulls Christopher behind him against the jeep. Of fucking course, the loud sounds attracted them here. He flinches holding Christopher down as another shot is fired above them. 

“Come on, Buckley,” the person calls out real loud, “You wouldn’t want history to repeat itself, now, would ya?” 

"Mother f—" He glances down at Christopher, there's no way he could carry him now. He can hear the shuffle of slow feet just ahead of them. 

"Buck..." 

He tries not to wince when Christopher pushes into his side and places an arm around him. 

"Buck, it won't stop." 

"We gotta run..." His heart is racing at the thought of moving from their cover. If they stay here they run the risk of being bitten or shot until they couldn't move. That was not something he wanted happening to either of them. Christopher lifted off his side, frowning up at him like he was crazy. He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it again. Buck reaches out, cupping the back of his neck, squeezing gently. "Christopher, if we stay here, we won't make it. You hear me. We run. And we **don't** stop." The boy’s eyes widen in horror. Yeah, this was gonna suck, but he'd rather they try and run than stay and die. Buck pulls him into his arms, presses a kiss to his tear-stained cheek. He tells himself that this isn't goodbye. Buck whistles low, and gets Thor's attention. When he's close enough Buck pulls out the gun they'd stash in the pack and makes sure it's loaded. 

"Two for a show, Spider-Man. Third, we go." Christopher nods and covers his ears. 

~*~ 

Running with a gunshot wound, while being weighed down was not something he'd ever expected to happen. Buck now knew why so many shitty things had happened to them. It was all on him. Buck didn’t know it then, but he did now. There was a reason he was on his own. Part of him, the guilty part, wishes he'd never met Christopher because then the kid wouldn't be in so much danger. Buck doesn't start to slow down until they pass a few houses and go right into what looks like some abandoned shops. He doesn't know how long he's been running with the kid on his side, but he's starting to feel dizzy. He stumbles towards the open door of an old bakery. He doesn't remember putting Christopher down or the walk up a staircase.

It's a blur between time.

~*~ 

When Buck wakes up, it's to find that's he's laying on an old mattress. A pillow is under his head, and his shirt has been cut partway. What the…? He shoots up from where he's reclined only to let out several colorful words, as the burn in his side makes his stomach roll. Glancing down he sees that he's been cleaned and sort of patched up. 

"Language..." 

Buck looks up, and sitting by the door with a gun in his hand is Christopher. The serious expression on his tiny face feels wrong, as does the way he holds himself so still. Thor is sitting at the kids' feet, tail wagging. "Hey there, Spider-Man." 

Christopher takes a deep breath, places the gun back into its holster, and grabs onto Thor's harness. The dog stands up on all fours, slowly guiding him towards the mattress. It's not until he gets a good few inches away from him that Christopher collapses in his arms. Buck can feel him trembling. 

"It's okay, kid. I've gotcha. It's okay." 

It breaks his heart to hear Christopher trying to hide his cries. 

"I'm right here." 

~*~ 

When Christopher is calm enough, and his tears run dry, he tells Buck what happened. Turns out the place hadn't been as empty as he'd first thought, in his exhausted state, he hadn't seen the walker behind the counter, but Christopher had. 

"Three days..." 

"What?" Buck can't fathom being out for that long. 

"I thought... I thought you were gonna be one of them." 

It's those words that make his stomach clench tight. Buck peers down at Christopher who’s lying beside him. "Why would you think that?"

Christopher sits up slowly and reaches out to pull the remains of Buck's shirt to the side, and there just above his bullet wound is... oh God, no. 

_Teeth marks._

Buck can only stare in horror at the bite mark. 

"I waited." The kid shifts in place, biting his lip. "Like Aunt Addie taught me too." He fumbles his next words. It's obvious that this is something that's been drilled into his head. "Debridement... Cleaned out..." Christopher points to where Buck's been patched up. "Ventral side, lateral to… to the midline, transverse... I did what she told me. I had to use a match, though. I'm sorry, Buck. It wouldn't stop." He rubs his nose across the sleeve of his shirt. 

Buck looks around the room and finds a bowl, half-filled with a washcloth still in it. There’s a bottle of what looks to be rubbing alcohol and a spoon... It occurs to him what that smell in the room was. Jesus, this kid had... The gun. That's why he had it out. Buck was gonna be sick, and it wasn't even the wound that was bothering him. It was the thought that Christopher would have had to do to him what he'd done to Abby's mother. He slowly lays back down, mind racing. They'd been here three days and... wait. He looks down at the bite mark, it doesn't look at all like it was a three-day-old bite. Turns his head towards Christopher. "Are you sure I was…?" 

Christopher turns on his side with a nod and sniffles. "I was scared you were gonna leave me like Mommy did." Buck stretches his arm out and Christopher wastes no time shifting to curl on his uninjured side. "I'm so sorry, Christopher." Thor climbs up onto the mattress and settles down at their feet. Buck can't even fathom what this kid has done while he was out of it. It wracks his nerves that he'd left him vulnerable after what they had already gone through. "I keep messing up,” Buck shakes his head. “I'm sorry." 

Christopher reaches up with a shaky hand, patting his cheek. "It's not your fault, kid."

~*~ 

It’s the click of the safety on the gun that has his eyes flying open. Cool metal pressed against his temple and has him frozen in place.

“Finally found ya, Buckley.”

For a moment he can't even breathe. He thinks this is it. This is how he's gonna die. The loss of warmth at his side has him sitting up and swinging with his left arm at the dark-haired man. It throws him off balance long enough for Buck to kick at the man's wrist. He looks around the room and there at the door is a woman he's never seen before holding a terrified Christopher up. Thor lays quietly at her feet, sleeping. It looks so wrong.

They did something to him.

Bucks feels the ball of rage rising inside of him, he's up on his feet in seconds but stops halfway when the crack of the gun goes off, bullet hitting inches away from his feet.

”Not so fast.”

Buck’s eyes narrow down at the woman who has Christopher, who's standing stock still. His face is so pale and his breathing is shallow.

“Chris.”

The hard knock to his head has him stumbling down to his knees.

“Shut up, Buckley.”

Buck can feel the wound in his side tear, feels something sticky and wet sliding down his side. He tries to take a breath, but it hurts too much. “Christopher, I’m right here kid. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Now, why would you lie to him like that?”

Buck keeps his eyes on Christopher, his heart is pounding so fast that he’s sure even from across the room the kid can hear it. "I will find you, you hear me?" Buck feels like his insides are on fire. His kid isn't responding. He’s most likely in shock. After everything he's been through, Buck doesn't blame him. "Christopher, I'm right here.”

“Not for long, pretty boy.” Buck feels more than sees the man pulling his shirt up, revealing the bite mark that's halfway healed. “How long till you turn, Buckley?”

The idiot didn't know he’d been bitten days ago, that he'd been slowly healing. Buck swallows hard against the lump in his throat. He can't break now. “Don’t listen to a word they say.”

“Funny, coming from you. How about we put you down before you become a liability? Like you did for that sweet, sweet old lady, eh?”

Buck’s eyes widen at the feel of the gun pressing into his back. His eyes sting with tears. He wasn’t counting on them putting a bullet into him. They usually let the walkers do the dirty work.

“Or maybe... we should let the kid do it.”

“ **No** ” 

He lunges back, head-smashing up into the guy’s face as hard as he can. He ignores the burn on his side as he kicks back, hearing the guy's leg crack. He races forward but is stopped at the sight of the lady pointing a gun at him.

“Stay…” Her voice is raspy and low, green eyes looking everywhere but him. She’s got a tight grasp on Christopher’s arm.

“Give him here.” Bucks practically growls as her, doesn’t want to, but he will go through her to get to Christopher if he has to. 

“Not giving up our boy.”

She was crazy. That’s all there was to it. She’s pulling back the hammer, and Buck can see she’s about to squeeze the trigger. He looks down at Christopher who’s staring wide-eyed back at him. There’s no good way out of this mess. He wants to apologize to the kid, but he feels like words wouldn’t be enough. “He doesn’t belong to you.”Buck can’t let it end like this. If he moves she will shoot him, but if he doesn’t she’s gonna take Christopher. 

His choice is taken from him when she fires a shot at him.

Everything is a blur.

One minute he’s standing, the next he’s on the ground. It feels like he’s underwater, fighting against the waves. He can hear someone screaming. There are sounds of someone being knocked around. A heavyweight hit his side, making him cry out. It’s Christopher. This startles a laugh out of him. His boy is here.

“Must’ve hit his head really hard.”

Buck opens his eyes and sees a girl, no older than seventeen with dark hair and eyes crouching down at his side. He flinches when she reaches for Christopher.

“Easy. I’m not gonna hurt either of you.”

The fuck? Buck looks around the room, they’ve been holding up in. The woman and man who attacked them are gone. Another man is walking into the room— tall, handsome, early forties at the oldest. The girl breaks into a smile, looking back at the older man. “Hear that dad? He said you're handsome.”

Buck groans. Figures that he’d meet slightly decent people and give off the worst first impression.

“I’m May, and this is my dad Michael.” She gestures between the two of them, and he can see the familial resemblance. “Mind telling me how you found my little cousin?”

Buck’s too tired to be filtered. “Who?”

May glances down at Christopher who’s been silent and clinging to his side like a spider monkey. “Hey little man,” it hurts to move, but the floor is getting too uncomfortable. “Christopher, why don’t we give your friend some breathing room, so May and I can check him over.” The older man has a kind voice and seems to be okay. 

For a moment, Buck thinks everything is finally okay. They’re in the clear. That is until Michael reaches down to guide Christopher up. That’s when the kid starts screaming, grabbing onto any part of Buck he can reach.

~*~ 

May Grant radios in for transport and medical equipment. Michael tries his best to assess his wounds. Buck is trying his best to calm Christopher down. He’d stopped screaming a few minutes ago, right after Michael had backed away from Buck. There's an occasional sniffle and soft cry, and he’s taken to clinging. Buck has had to gently remind him not to hold on too hard. He gave Michael a slight nod, permission to check on his wounds. It’s as he peels back the bloody shirt he hears the tone in May's voice. 

" **Dad**." 

"Yeah, yeah. I see it." 

It takes a good minute to remember, and he hates himself for even forgetting. He hears the older man sigh and shakes his head sadly. 

"When were you bitten, son?" 

"Four days ago..." Buck watches the two of them frown over his wounds. 

May shakes her head. "That's not possible." 

Yeah, Buck knows damn well he should have turned within a day of being bitten. Christopher had been sitting there for three of those, waiting for him to turn. 

"May, why don't you go outside and see if you can flag ‘em down?" 

"Isn't that why we brought Tommy?" 

Michael has that patented Dad look down to a T, and if the situation wasn't so dire, Buck would be cracking up. May sighs before leaving the room. The footsteps get further and further away until they’re out of earshot before the older man turns to face him. 

"Army?" 

Buck frowns at him. "No." 

"Navy?" 

Buck has no idea why he's being questioned here. "Got through training…” Which wasn’t a complete lie? “Why?"

Michael starts laughing, sliding a hand down his face. "You're one lucky son of a bitch."

Buck expects to hear Christopher call him out on his language, but he doesn't even move. He lifts his hand a bit, rubs the kids back in soft sweeping motions. "Not that I don't already know that, but uh... why exactly?" 

"How old is this bullet wound?" 

Buck tries to think back, they'd been walking for so long after he got shot. There were four days of hiding here... "Almost a week, I think?" 

"Son, you've got some Guardian Angel looking out for you." 

~*~ 

Transport that had been called in was an ambulance that had been altered inside and out to protect those riding inside and those who rode up top and were armed. Geeze, these guys weren't playing around. It was a little touch and go, transferring him from the room upstairs in the abandoned shop to the ambulance, however, it was only because no one could separate Christopher from him. The poor kid had been through so much. Buck didn't blame him for finally breaking down. He can't imagine what he'd put him through in the last few days when he'd been out cold. It helped that they were able to assess Thor first. Those walker-bait idiots had lured him out of their room and snuck him sleeping pills, which would wear off in about an hour or so, according to the young lady who was riding with them.

So here he was, strapped to a gurney with Christopher still huddled on his uninjured side. The conversation Buck had with Michael is still wringing in his head. He's always wondered how in the hell he's survived this long, but he's starting to get an inkling. It kind of scares him, if he’s honest. He’s kind of known at the back of his mind that something had been done to him during training. He doesn't remember what it was, though, just that it scared him enough to decline the invitation to go into the next phase of the program. Buck had come back to the states after that. 

The doors at the back close and he has to fight back a flinch as he holds Christopher tighter to his side, a sleeping Thor at their feet. Buck has to remind himself that they're finally safe.


	2. Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a reason Buck had been on his own for a year. He didn’t survive this long by being stupid or trusting a pretty face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off if you're still here, bless your hearts. Second, there are two descriptions of panic attacks and delves into a PTSD flashbacks. So tread carefully. I tried to be as realistic as possible using my own experience with these things.

* * *

It's Christopher's low pitched screams that wake him up, and for a moment Buck is back in that tiny room. It takes a minute for his sleep-addled brain to catch up on the fact that someone is trying to lift the kid off of him. One minute Buck is laying flat on his back the next, he's shooting up, running on adrenaline, swinging blindly at the person who's trying to take Christopher from him. Hands are holding him back before he can even make contact.

"BUCK... Buck stop, it's okay!"

Buck glances behind him as his vision clears, to see Michael Grant, and another woman who vaguely resembles May... it all comes back to him in a dizzy wave. Looking around he sees that he's no longer in the ambulance but in a makeshift hospital room. His heart is still racing in fear, making his chest tighten. Christopher is kicking and screaming in another man's arms,

"Christopher... Chri... it's me, it's _Dad_."

Buck's eyes sting with tears as hears the guys voice break, watches the kid try and shake himself loose. He can tell that it's not his dad that Christopher is seeing, he gets that.

  
  


"Eddie," Michael manages to project a calm voice across the room, even though Buck can see he looks tense as hell. "Eddie, you need to put him _back_ down."

Buck can see the moment it hits the guy and holy shit. It makes him ache that Christopher can't see his dad, it fuckin’ breaks his heart, the look in that man's eyes when he realizes he can't shake this, won't be able to calm his son down. He seems to take a deep breath before looking at Buck with pleading eyes, Buck doesn't know what to say but tries to assure the guy he isn't there to hurt anyone, let alone Christopher. He'd already taken a bullet for the kid, they've been through hell together.

After a moment, the guy shifts Christopher forward onto the bed. Michael lets go of Buck but helps him sit further up without aggravating his side. Christopher has stopped kicking but now he sounds a hell of a lot like Thor. Buck reaches out, one hand cupping the back of his neck, the other his shoulder. He can still feel the strong chain that hangs around his neck. "Hey... come back Spider-man, everything's okay," Buck can't stop the tears from spilling down his face. Christopher's cries have tampered down and he's breathing pretty heavily in his father's arms. His father who’s silently crying watching them.

"My Buck," Christopher's voice is raspy and so low, he doubts anyone heard it.

"Hey there Christopher," He smiles through tears as Christopher reaches out for him, Buck looks up at the kid's father who nods before carefully handing over his son. Buck wraps his arms around Christopher, pulling him down onto his lap, ignoring the twinge in his side in favor of just holding on to the kid. Can't even begin to comprehend the mess he's in, just knows that getting to this point had been his main goal. Never really thought about what would come next.

It's some internal warning that goes off, a deep-seated instinct that has his reaching out for Christopher's dad before he could leave. Fingers wrapping around tanned wrist, holding on tight. Buck looks up into those devastating hazel eyes. He doesn't know what the guy sees on his own but he doesn't move any further away. He reaches out placing a hand on Christophers back, and the other slides away from Buck, but stays near his leg on the bed. It calms something inside of him, and Buck is too tired to question it.

~*~

Buck doesn't know when he dozed off, but he wakes up to Christopher shifting, on his side, sniffling a bit, crying out in his sleep. Buck automatically lifts a hand, combing his fingers through Christopher’s soft curls. Hums real low, singing half-remembered words, till he feels the tension bleed out of the kid's body. The only sound in the room is the beeping from the monitors.

“You're good.”

Eddie Diaz.

The lights in the room are dim but he can still see the second bed in the room has been pushed closer to the one he currently occupies. The other man was halfway reclined as if he was getting ready to move. Buck looks back down at the sleeping boy in his arms, frowns a bit. His hair and face are clean, clothes are different too.

“You were out for half the day, ” Eddies says, implying that it was long enough to convince Christopher to leave Buck’s side for a bath and a change of clothes. He sighs, feeling grateful that Christopher has gotten what he needed.

“When he first disappeared, I just about went out of my mind.”

Buck knows that feeling all too well. Wouldn't have wished that horrible, mind-numbing, gut rolling, heartbreaking feeling on anyone. Let alone a father who loves his kid, the way Eddie does.

“We looked for him every day…” Eddie’s eyes filled with tears, glancing back down at his son. “There wasn’t a single night, that went by that I didn't wonder if he was ok… If he was safe… that those _people_ weren’t hurting him.”

Buck remembers Christopher looking up at him, that first night with all too serious blueish grey eyes.

_"The lady that took me, g-gave me bottles like this."_

_"It made me sleepy allll the time."_

“Could barely eat, worrying if he was being fed… Cap said I had a smart kid,” Eddie shakes his head, as if trying to rid himself of the tears in his eyes.

Buck couldn't hold back the sharp wince, as he remembers echoes of that conversation, still etched into the corners of his mind. 

_"The peaches downstairs?"_

_Christopher shrugs his shoulders, "I... I got too smart, she put it..."_

Buck hopes to hell, that Michael and May Grant, made those sons of bitches suffer like they'd made him and Christopher suffer. He turns slightly, careful not to dislodge the kid. Meets Eddie’s sorrow-filled eyes. “Eddie, I can't imagine what you've been through.” Christopher might not be his biologically but the kid had burrowed into his heart, and if he lost him that day… No way would Buck have recovered from that. "But you've got one hell of a kid here. Let me tell you, the first time I saw him, he was this spitball of fire," Buck can't help but laugh remembering how Christopher had peered down at him from that tree. "He shot at me,"

"He what..." Eddie's eyes widen in shock, sitting up and pulling his legs under him.

"Yeah, told me the next shot would go into... what'd he call it?" Buck frowns a bit, then smiles. "My brainpan." 

Eddie shakes his head, a smile finally breaking through. For a moment his eyes lose that sharp panicky edge to them. Even in the dim lighting, he's beautiful, and the very thought stirs something warm inside Buck's chest. Something he hasn't felt since Abby... since Abby left him. He tries to keep that warm feeling from slinking away, by looking down at Christopher. "Bravest kid I've ever met," Buck chances a look at Eddie and has to tell himself he’s okay when he finds the man smiling softly at them.

~*~

The following day he was still in the infirmary, Christopher was sitting quietly on the second bed with Eddie while the nurse checks him over. His wounds seem to have healed nicely, a hell of a lot faster than he thought they would. If the nurse thought the wounds were older than they were, Buck wasn't about to correct her. He was kind of worried that Christopher would say something but he hasn't said anything at all since waking up. He'd been reluctant to leave his side but had finally let his Dad move him towards the second bed. Buck waits till the nurse leaves before sitting up and swinging his legs downwards. He yelps as they hit something furry, bringing his feet back up. "THOR, Mother f...have you been there this entire time?!" Buck frowns as he hears Eddie trying to hide his laugh, and doing badly. Can't help the accusing tone in his voice towards the other man. "Did you know he was there?" Buck looks down at Thor who just turns in place right underneath his bed. As if he hadn't just given Buck a heart attack.

"He hasn't left your side man, how long you've had him anyway?" Eddie's got an arm around Christopher whose staring down at Thor, who seems to sense something's changed in the room. Figures the dang dog would pick up on it. Buck watches as Thor gets up and leaps onto the second bed, settling his head on Christopher's lap.

"Two weeks, give or take a few days."

“Seriously?”

“Yeah I know, sometimes feels longer.”

The quiets not an awkward one but a calm kind of balm to his soul. Everything has been kind of nuts since they'd been found, checked over, he was surprised he hasn't been interrogated yet. From what Christopher had mentioned of his family, they seem like the type to ask a million and one questions. The blinds to the window across from them are still drawn down, so he can't see out into the hall. It makes him kind of nervous…

“Eddie, ”

The guy must be picked up on his tone because he looks right into his eyes, all traces of humor are gone.

“Where are we? ”

“You’re safe Buck, ”

“That's not what I asked, man.” Buck shakes his head slightly. Eddie’s answer makes something dark flush under his skin, can see the way Thor brings his head up, ears alert. “Where am I?” Buck tries to keep calm for Christopher’s sake but that's kind of hard to do with Eddie looking cagey.

“Buck… I promise you’re safe here.”

Despite the kindness in Eddie’s eyes, and a deep-seated need to trust him, he can’t. There was a reason Buck had been on his own for a year. He didn’t survive this long by being stupid or trusting a pretty face. “No offense but I don’t know you.” Offers a sincere smile that he knows doesn’t quite reach his eyes, Eddie nods, and that’s when Buck knows that he gets it. Which is such a goddamn relief compared to other reactions he’s gotten from people.

“Feel up for a walk?”

~*~

And that’s how Buck finds himself walking down a long hallway shoulder to shoulder with Eddie, who’s holding Christopher in his arms, Thor taking the lead. The hallway leads to a set of double doors. Once they open, the quietness of the hallway is blown away, making both him and Christopher flinch. There's a warm hand on his back then a shoulder pressing against his own. Buck can feel the tightness in his chest loosen up a bit. They've entered a wider hallway, the noise was coming from a few feet ahead of them on the right, two more double doors propped open into what looks like a mess hall, half-filled with people. Some look like they'd just woken up while others seem half-asleep with various trays of food. Their steps are slow but steady, Eddie stops just outside the open doors, greeting people as they come and go. May Grant comes walking up to them with a smile on her face.

"Hey,"

"May," Eddie nods.

"You guys are looking better than when we brought you in,"

"Thanks, I think." Buck doesn't know if that's a compliment but decides it doesn't bother him. May turns to Eddie, gesturing towards the room, "Bobby says you're good for now."

"May, we talked about this..."

"Just until this little guy here gets his sea legs back." May is looking at Christopher like she's waiting for a response, and when she doesn't get one the smile on her face dims a bit. "Also mom wants to talk to Buck about what happened... there at the 118." Eddie nods and starts to shift forward but May stops him with her next words. "You guys can go ahead, I can take Christopher for lunch."

Christopher, who hasn't separated from them long enough to give them breathing room, let alone leave the building?

"How 'bout it Christopher? They made your favorite."

Buck could see it before it happens. Did they think that the kid would be less traumatized within two days of coming home? He understands he does, but the thought of leaving Christopher here and walking away makes something sour stir in his gut. This was the kid's home, and yet two weeks away had changed him in ways they'd never understand. "The 118?" Buck's mind is already firing away on different cylinders, he's got May's attention, even moving a little way from Eddie and Christopher as she explains that it’s the number of the Fire House Station, nods to a door just another few feet ahead of them.

"It leads to the Station, all these halls were built after the world went to crap, it connects the old high school, the precinct, and station 118, so we can move between buildings without being caught out. It was a little weird at first, but it's solid..."

That was pretty ingenious, they wouldn't be going too far, he looks back at Eddie who was speaking quietly to a visibly distraught Christopher, who's shaking his head. Glances down at Thor with a raised eyebrow. He doesn't want to overstep but if he can help... Buck prays that he doesn't mess this up too bad. Start to walk over and stops just behind Eddie whose crouched down in front of his son.

"Hey Spider-Man," Buck says hesitantly, not sure if this is okay, but the small nod Eddie gives him is all the permission he needs. Buck smiles as he holds his hand behind his back, snapping his fingers. Thor's nails click against the tiled floor. He crouches down next to Eddie, waits till he has Christopher's full attention, and says, "I know it's been a long while since you've been here, but," he reaches around and pulls on Thor's harness. "See this is Thor's first time here, and I bet he'd like it if he could come to eat lunch with you." Buck holds his breath waiting and hoping that this works. "You could keep him company while your dad and I go speak to.." He looks to Eddie for a moment, caught up in the look in his eyes, it makes his heart stutter. Buck tilts his head a bit waiting for it. Takes a minute for Eddie to comprehend what it is he’s asking. The red tint in his cheeks is kind cute.

"Bobby,"

Buck smiles and turns to Christopher, "Your Uncle Bobby,"

It feels like forever but was probably only a full minute before Christopher looks between them, and reaches out for Thor's harness, small fingers grasping onto the front. Buck and Eddie stand, leading the two over to May who now waits until she has permission before lifting Christopher into her arms, giving the two men a nod before walking into the mess hall, Thor following them. Buck doesn't realize he's holding his breath until he can see the three of them settled down at a table by the double doors, with Michael sitting down across from them. Giving a smile and a nod, saying without saying, that he'd keep an eye on them.

~*~

Meeting Bobby Nash and Athena Grant is something else. Bobby, with his warm greetings and self-assured handshakes at least, puts to ease the ill-feeling inside of him when Athena reminds him of the reason he's here. They're seated inside the old firehouse station, up in the loft area, and Bobby and Athena sit across from them. There are full steaming mugs of coffee in front of them, but Buck hasn't touched his. Despite their surroundings, Buck isn't feeling very comfortable here, didn't wanna let on that he felt alone without that dumb dog or sweet kid. It isn't until Eddie is sitting by his side, thighs pressed against his own that he feels something inside him relax a bit.

It doesn't stop his heart from speeding up when they start with the subtle questions, nothing too bad. Simple things, like where'd he come from ( **NorCali** ), how long he's been out there in the world ( **going on two years** ) if he had any family left ( **Not that he knew of** ). It was when they started asking the weird ones that he got nervous. He knew how this went. Could feel his stomach clench, and blood rush in his ears. How many walkers has he killed ( **he lost count after the first couple of weeks** ), how many people he's killed ( **I don't keep count, who the hell does** ) and why. "I don't like being taken _advantage_ of."

" _Bobby_ ," Athena seems to have pulled out a folder, that had more redacted info than anything else on it.

Buck can feel Eddie tense beside him but he doesn't say much throughout all of this. When Athena starts asking about his time with the Navy he shoots up out of the chair, nearly knocking it over in his haste to get away from them. Buck makes it to the railway of the stairs before stopping. No way. No way is he relieving that nightmare. Buck ignores the argument going on behind him in favor of trying to get his head back on straight. Doesn't stop himself from flinching when warm hands press against his back. Didn't even notice how heavy he was breathing or how tight he’d been holding on to the rails, ‘till Eddie spoke to him in low calming tones. "What... the... fuck." Is all Buck manages before he turns to face Eddie, knows he can feel the hurt coming off him in waves. The other man had assured him he was safe here and this didn't feel safe. Eddie opens his mouth to say something but at that moment a kid rushes into the area below, frantically looking around, calling out. Looking up his eyes widen, and he brings his arms up wiping his face clear of... is that fruit on his face?

"What is it, Denny?"

Behind him, Bobby and Athena are moving towards them at a fast pace.

"Denny?" Athena reaches the stairs and starts to descend it. "What's going on?"

"It's Christopher!"

~*~ 

They dash down the stairs and back out the same double doors they had come in from, heartbeat picking up at the sight of people that are gathering around the second set of doors leading into the mess hall. Buck watches Eddie push through them and follows, with Bobby and Athena right behind them. Buck is literally on Eddie's back when they spot what all the commotion was. The table they'd left Christopher at was overturned and there was food everywhere.

"I don't know what happened." May is standing a few feet away from a growling Thor is standing protectively in front of Christopher, who’s crouched down in the corner of the mess hall. The kid has his hands covering his ears, head resting on his knees. From here Buck can see he’s trembling. 

"--- was just asking if she could see his chain, and offered him her fruit platter, it was his favorite I didn't think he'd mind. She just wanted to see the locket but he... freaked out, knocked the plate away and started throwing the food at us."

Buck can feel the blood rush in his ears as he takes in the type of fruit platter that had been offered. Closes his eyes and calls himself all sorts of stupid for not saying anything. It wasn't their fault. Honestly, how do you tell someone's family why their kid was suddenly triggered by a simple friendly gesture? He feels like he's walking towards his execution, heart dropping down to his stomach as he walks past Eddie, placing a hand on his shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze before letting go. Eddie grabs his wrist tugging him back slightly. Hazel eyes narrow down at him, there's a ton of questions in them, and Buck doesn't know if he's ready to answer them. He knows he will have to eventually. Right now though, Christopher needs him. Buck tilts his head towards the kid and knows when Eddie gets it. That resigned sigh, followed by the barely-there nod, giving the go-ahead. He feels Eddie following at a few paces behind him, but his focus is on the little boy in the corner. Takes a deep breath before letting it out real slow. Thor has stopped growling and now sits still, and Buck gives him a little scratch behind his ears. Sits by his side, till the mess hall is blocked from Christopher's sight.

"Hey Spider-Man, guess this wasn't the best day for either of us, huh?" Buck can feel his stomach roll at the sight of this sweet kid shaking like a leaf, this kid who didn't deserve any of what happened to him. "I'm sorry kid, I should have told someone but I didn't know how." Christopher slowly lowers his hands down onto his legs. "There's a lot of things that I still don't know how to talk about, without getting scared and losing my words."

It takes some time before he feels a small hand on his knee. He looks up into Christopher's eyes, which are filled with concern, the color in his cheeks is slowly returning. Thor brings his paw up onto Buck's other knee, which brings a smile to Christopher's face. Buck watches the kid tilt his head down onto Thor's furry side. His heart feels like it's swelling with warmth at the very sight. That feeling doesn't last too long, and he feels more than sees Eddie kneel beside them.

"Mijo."

Christopher's eyes widen when he sees his dad, his hand tightens on Buck's knee.

"If you're feeling up for it, why don't we show Buck the way home?"

Christopher relaxes just a bit before looking back up towards Buck and nods his okay.

~*~

Home, as it turns out, is a small two-bedroom apartment. In order to get to it, they have to walk past the 118 doors and a little further down the hall to a working elevator. Up to the second floor. Upon entering the apartment, Thor starts sniffing about the place. It doesn't seem to bother Eddie as he walks over to a comfy looking dark blue sofa that was against the wall off the entrance hall. Eddie gently places Christopher down, talking in low calming tones.

Buck takes this time to look around. Across from the sofa are three floors to ceiling arched windows. There’s a wall unit that seems to double as a closet at the furthest end of the room, a basket of old toys that looks like it hasn’t been touched in a while, a bucket of legos right by it. Behind him are two doors that lead to the bedrooms, there is a bathroom door just beside the sofa, another closed door beside it. There were clothes strewn about the place like Eddie hasn't really been here to clean up in days or weeks. Which considering the situation, fine, but fuck this whole thing was a mess.

“Buck…”

He looks up to find that Christopher is no longer on the sofa and that one of the bedroom doors was slightly shut. Glancing over towards Eddie he saw nothing but concern in his eyes. Eddie gestures to the now empty sofa and Buck tries not to trip over the things on the floor.

“Sorry about that, ” Eddie starts picking up things here and there, throwing them in a large grey basket in the corner. Not wanting to just sit there doing nothing, he starts to help out, waving off any protest from the other man. They get the place somewhat decent and Eddie heads to the closed-door by the bathroom, only pausing to look back at him, tilting his head slightly at the door. Buck follows and is amazed to see what looks like a small kitchen.

“We normally have our meals with Cap at 118, or the mess Hall if it's a busy day,” Eddie explains as he starts up what looks to be an old coffee maker. “Electricity runs the block, so we get a few luxuries.”

The small room is starting to fill with the sounds of the coffee grounds being steamed. Buck nods, not really listening. He doesn't know what to say except to ask for the bathroom, feeling like a jerk, but his heart hasn't stopped racing since he got here and he needs a minute. There's something wrong. He can feel it now that it's just the two of them and doesn't wait for an answer, just rushes to the next door and flips the light switch. 

There's a floor-ceiling mirror by a smaller window. Buck lifts up the side of his borrowed shirt, he can see that his normally pale skin is so full of color. There’s something off about it though. He strips away the soft grey shirt, letting it fall to the tiles. His entire front side is covered in faded yellowish-green bruises that extend to his backside. It’s the tremors in his hand that make it almost impossible for him to peel away the tape and gauze from the bite and bullet wound. 

“Fuck…” His mouth drops open with a soft gasp. The bullet wound is merely a pinkish scar above his left hip, the bite mark is nearly faded away. Glancing up towards the mirror he does a double-take, spins halfway around before stopping and peering down near his lower back at what looks like…. 

“What the f…” his eyes widen with vague horror, as that inkling in his brain turns into a sharp sting of static. Buck flinches, throwing himself backward, bruised back hitting the wall as he slides down to the floor. He covers his ears trying to block out the noise. 

_He can't breathe. He's not supposed too._

_“Five more minutes Buckley.”_

_Subject response to application 626._

_Screams echo around him._

_“Come on Buckley.”_

_Sir, we need to pull him out now._

_“_ **_BUCK_ ** _.”_

_His lungs are burning… He can't breathe. He's not supposed too._

“BUCK… Breathe!”

Buck blinks once, twice, it’s the third time that has him back inside the tiny bathroom. It still feels like he's under the water, he can hear Eddie calling out to him but he sounds so far. Buck tries reaching out for him, it’s so hard to move when his entire body feels like… Like he's being pulled away and weighed down at the same time. 

“Ed…” he takes a deep breath, “Eddie, ” his name comes out in a harsh gasp of air. 

“I'm right here…breathe with me Buck.” 

Buck can feel something warm push against his side. Soft fur. Warm furry weight pushing gently, as if trying to move him. It takes longer than he likes, to remember it's “Thor, ” that stupid lovable dog, panting at his side. 

“That's it, Buck, breathe in… breathe out.”

It seemed like forever before Buck places an arm around Thor, a sharp laugh escaping his lips. There's a slight squeeze on his hand and he realizes someone’s been firmly holding his right hand. He looks up into those concerned filled hazel eyes. 

Eddie. 

Bucks face is wet with tears, and he's pretty sure he's got new bruises on his back. Probably gave Eddie a good scare but right now all he can think of is laying down and not getting back up. It takes a minute to realize he’s zoned out again, he’s flat on his back, the floor is cold against his heated skin, his head is in Eddie’s lap. Eddie, who’s still holding onto his hand, which is resting now on his chest just above his heart. Thor’s furry self is pressed up against his side. 

“...and he just laughs, the kid wouldn’t even think of saying no to his Tia Addie,” 

Eddie has a nice voice, low, warm and soothing. “He’s got this big heart, and this _light_ inside of him that shines so damn bright.” 

Buck has to swallow down hard around the rock in his throat. Christopher. Buck has seen that light in the kids' eyes the first time he saw him, it was a little dim but after a while, he saw it. He hates that it was taken from him when it should have been kept safe. Buck sits up slowly, letting Eddie’s hands fall away from his. He can see his reflection in the mirror, and he’s paler than usual. Buck frowns, lifting his hand up, fingers skimming where he’d been shot at not even a week ago. By all rights, there should be a scar on the right side of his head, near his temple. There’s nothing there now. 

“Buck.” 

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out, there’s something wrong with him. Buck can feel his stomach roll at the thought that something had been done to him without knowing...

“Hey,” Eddie wraps his fingers around his wrist pulling it down away from his head. When Buck finally looks at him, he doesn’t find confusion as he would expect, no he found… understanding? 

“Eddie, what the hell’s going on?” His voice cracks, nearly on the edge of resurfacing panic. 

“It’s okay.” It’s the calm tone that grates on Buck’s already frayed nerves. 

“This is not okay,” He pushes up onto his feet walking closer to the mirror. Heart pounding an uncomfortable beat, he tries to see if there were other changes he hadn’t picked up. 

“Buck,” 

Holy shit. The cuts on his knuckles from hitting the walker bait guy, the bruising he’d gotten, they were completely gone. 

“And why are you so _calm_?” 

“Buck, I _know_ okay.” Eddie leaning against the counter by the mirror. 

“Know what?” He was looking over his arms, almost frantic now. There were the normal tattoos he’d gotten when he was younger, those hadn’t changed. There… he turned his left arm over. The shot that he’d thought had gone wide when he had covered Christopher the first time. There was just a thin silver line now where the bullet had grazed him. 

“ _Buck_.”

“ **_What_ **?” Buck huffs looking at Eddie’s reflection, and the guy seems to tilt his head, making a decision that pains him, if the way he hangs his head and the sigh of resignation is anything to go by. It’s a split second before Eddie is by his side, raising a hand real slow, and placing on Buck’s back, directly over the small intricate tattoo he has never noticed before today. 

“I _know_.”

Buck can’t decide if he wants to punch him in his pretty face or break down crying. 

~*~ 

The two of them are sitting on the sofa, he’s hunched over his own lap, holding a hot mug. Trying to get his hands to stop shaking, but he’s not very successful at it. He feels like he’s been run over by a Mack truck. Every part of him is sore in one way or another. Eddie is sitting right by his side, thighs pressed against his own and Buck is suddenly aware that he has no shirt on. Jesus, he’s fucked up. 

“Listen, Buck…” 

“I can’t… Eddie, I can’t even. I don’t.” He knows his words are jumbled and make no sense. It’s kind of hard to even think right now. 

Eddie reaches out, resting a hand on his bare shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it.” 

Buck wouldn’t have known where to start even if he could. He honestly hadn’t known how bad that was gonna be. The last time he remembered having a panic attack was just after Abby had walked out on him. 

“Just know that if and when you’re ready...” 

Buck looks back at Eddie. He’s so tired of pretending to be alright. He shifts his legs forward onto the coffee table and sprawls backward onto the sofa. His mug is still full on the table. His arms are pressing against Eddie’s, it’s a huge comfort in some ways. 

“I’ll be here.”

~*~

At some point, he dozes on the sofa and wakes up to find the sun has gone down. There’s a pillow under his head and a blanket covering most of his body. He doesn’t know what woke him up, but when he goes to wipe his face he finds his cheeks are wet. He must’ve been crying in his sleep. Buck slides a hand down to where his heart is beating. It sounds so loud in the quiet room. Buck takes a slow deep breath, trying to rid himself of that heavy feeling that settles inside of him. The aborted conversation with Eddie starts to echo in his head, he said he wasn't ready to talk about it earlier but that didn’t mean it wasn’t lingering in the back of his mind. Too many things are starting to make a freakish amount of sense. He couldn’t see it then but now? Now he could see it clear as day. 

When he was with Abby things were a bit lighter both in his head and his heart. Buck had been able to ignore it back then because he had someone else to focus on, someone to take care of and bask in her love. Right up until… _Patricia Clark_. 

  
  


“ _Buck_ **_NO_ ** _.”_

_Abby stood behind him trying to pull his aim back down._

_The gunshot echoes through the room…_

_Abby screaming for her mother, as Buck holds her back._

_“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”_

They say ignorance is bliss, but for Buck, it had almost cost him his life. He remembers clear as day now, it was when he’d put a bullet into Patrica Clarks’ still-beating heart, followed by one to her head, that he lost it. Buck doesn’t blame Abby for leaving him after that. Broken-hearted and left to cope by himself, he had forgotten about the things he could do. An entire year on his own, drowning in his grief. Buck remembers with a slight gasp it wasn’t the first time he’d been bitten by a walker…

_Buck has slowly lost hope of Abby coming back home. It has been months and the satellite phone he’d placed in their room has been silent for weeks. He couldn’t bring himself to walk past Patricia's room. Not without seeing the broken windows and blood-soaked carpet. It made his stomach roll, and head swims. After a few drinks Buck wanders outside for air, the next thing he knew someone had grabbed him…_

He remembers it with such clarity that it feels like it happened just moments ago. Buck in his drunken stupor had been bitten, and at the time had no idea how he’d gotten away. Now though, now he remembers… 

_Buck had twisted, bringing his arm up, and tried shoving the body neck first away from him. Grunting as he brings one hand up to grab the back of the head, the other the front and giving it a hard twist. The body was still moving but at least now it was away from his arm._

Bucks eyes widen as he looks down at his right arm. He could almost see it. The phantom bite. He’d been so drunk at the time, it never occurred to him that he hadn’t exactly escaped unscathed. “Fuck…” he brings a hand up wiping away the tears. 

Those memories of Abby and Patricia hurt less now but they still stung. Worse, he knows now that it could have been prevented if he’d just been paying attention. With Christopher his instincts has been slowly waking up, it’s how they managed to escape the first few times. He can see it now. Glancing down at his wounds, the pinkish scar, the bite mark. A sharp laugh escaped his lips, he covers his mouth but the sound echoes around the living room. “I’m freakin immune.”

~*~ 

Buck’s still turning things over in his head when the sun comes up. He’s since showered and changed into the borrowed clothing. He’s turning on the coffee maker and pouring the water into the machine and sighs because he’s been going over every incident since he’d left the program. In his mind, he’s cataloging the things he use to be able to do without thinking twice. Muscle memory was important during training, trusting your gut to lead the way. Buck had just assumed he had a strong immune system, it’s why he’s hardly caught anything, not even a cold. Jesus, he’d been so freakin’ stupid. Buck had signed up with the Fire Academy hoping to forget and replace those memories but… but he’d never got placed. By the time he’d met Abby and Patricia Clark he’d successfully blocked out everything except the fact that he’d tried out for the program. He’d taken for granted that he could protect them from anything, and when… when those walkers had been let loose into the house Buck had tried his best to take them out with what he could. Adrenaline had pushed him to lengths that had scared the shit out of him. He remembers thinking that they had been so lucky until Patricia started yelling about not wanting to be one of them. 

Buck flinches as...

_The gunshot echoes through the room…_

“Buck?” 

Buck takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart, counts to five real slow in his head, before turning to look back at Eddie, who’s probably been trying to get his attention for a while now if his expression is anything to go by. It’s still a little weird to have someone who isn’t Christopher care enough about him to be concerned. 

“Everything alright?” 

Buck doesn’t even consider lying before opening his mouth, then snapping it shut again. Glances back down at the coffee maker. He’s had all night to consider asking. Now that his chance is here he doesn’t know where to start. “How did you know?” Buck risks a glance at Eddie, sees when the understanding hits in his eyes. 

Eddie looks back into the other room and walks closer to him. Buck doesn’t know what it is that Eddie is looking for. His hazel eyes seem to warm up, and he takes a breath as if bracing himself. He takes one last look at the propped open kitchen door before he turns back to Buck and bites his lip. He reaches out, curling his fingers around Buck’s wrist, tugging his arm up a bit, guiding his hand onto Eddie’s lower back, just underneath his shirt. Buck can feel his entire face flush with heat. He was pretty sure he could feel the tips of his ears burn. Eddie’s brow raises a bit and he’s peering up into Buck’s eyes like he’s waiting for something. It’s only when he moves his fingers down against Eddie’s warm skin does he feel it. Buck skims his fingertips on the slightly raised skin, glances up, asking with his eyes if he could. Eddie lets go of his wrist and raises the back of his shirt. 

There it is on his lower back, towards the middle of that well-muscled expansive sun-kissed back, a small intricate tattoo. With the exception of a few key details and location it was almost identical to the one on his back. Eddie’s tattoo, though, looks to be within another one, a US ARMY Dog Tag, it was altered to fit over the smaller tattoo, almost as if to hide it. Buck tilts his head, fingertips tracing the outer image before his eyes narrow down at the inner image. Buck can feel Eddie’s muscle twitch as he places a hand on his front side just above his belt line to hold him still. There’s something different in the way the second image is lined up. He glances up towards Eddie, wanting to know more about it, the question dying on his lips as he takes in the look in those hazel eyes that seem darker, filled with something Buck hasn’t seen in a long time. It takes a second to place it, and when he does he’s momentarily frozen. He doesn’t realize how intimate this would look to an outsider until he glances back down to where his left hand is placed. Just underneath Eddie’s shirt, fingers dipping slightly down into his sweatpants, thumb caressing his stomach. 

There’s a different kind of heat pulsing through his veins and making his blood rush, making his heart stutter, and Buck is suddenly very aware of how close they are. He takes a breath and makes a move to back up but then Eddie’s holding his wrist and pressing against his stomach. His free hand comes up, cupping the back of his heated neck. Buck closes his eyes, trying desperately not to say anything stupid. The air around them seems like it’s pressing down around them, and all Buck wants to do is to sink into Eddie. He slides his wrist out of his grasp, and around to the side, gripping the other man's hip, and tugging him closer. When he finally opened his eyes he is left breathless by the want he can see in those beautiful eyes, how they drop down for a second to his mouth. 

They both _want_ this, he knows it, can feel it in every bone in his body. The space between them closes and he can feel it when Eddie breathes in, god he _wants_ this, and he tightens his grip on his hip. Bucks feels a slight pressure where the other man’s hand is on his neck, and then… soft lips press against his own. For a few blissful seconds, the world is zeroed down to just the two of them. Short and sweet kisses melt into long and deep ones with a sweep of his tongue. It turns his insides into a ball of fire that starts in his belly and seems to slowly consume him. Buck bends his knee slightly, sliding it up between those well-muscled thighs. Drinks in that low moan that he feels more than hears Eddie makes, shifts so that his back is to the counter and Buck can sink right into his body. 

Buck is so lost in that sweet haze of it all, the feel of Eddie’s body pressed against his, that he doesn’t hear it at first, but he sure as hell feels it. Something tugging at his instinct, shouting at him from somewhere, like strange echoes. Buck frowns and reluctantly pulls back from Eddie, but not too far. It takes a moment to clear out that sweet haze in his head, and for cold hard reality to hit him. They were virtually two strangers standing in the middle of a kitchen making out like two horny teenagers. “Um…” he licks his lips as if trying to get the last traces of Eddie’s mouth. The fact that Eddie follows the movement with hooded eyes doesn’t make this situation any better. Buck has lost all concept of words, and it’s in those few seconds that Eddie presses another kiss to his lips. Gentle, lingering a bit, before pulling away completely. It leaves Buck feeling a little light-headed, and missing the feel of Eddie’s body. It was enough to shake him right down to his core. What in the hell had he been thinking? Well. He wasn’t. Thinking that is. 

“Eddie…” 

The man was standing halfway across the small room, pausing by the fridge. Before he could get another word out, they heard the screaming from the next room. 

Christopher. 

~*~

Buck leaves the door open just a crack. It took Eddie an hour to calm Christopher down. To make him see that Buck was all right, that he was still there, that he hadn’t turned into one of them things… a walker. It sent Buck’s mind reeling, to see him shaking in his father's arms, crying out. Thor had come out from underneath Christopher’s bed, and don’t think that didn’t scare the crap out of him. Leaped onto the bed and had stayed by their side. Buck was trying really hard not to freak out here. He couldn’t help but connect what happened with Christopher, to what happened in the kitchen. Looking back on the past couple of weeks, even before he found Christopher in that tree, some deep-seated instinct has been waking him up just when something was about to go down. Buck thought it was plain luck but now… now he didn’t really think so. It couldn’t be a coincidence that he’d felt off in the kitchen just before Chris started screaming. The aborted panic attack he had when Athena pulled that file out the other day, didn’t that happen when… no. 

No way. But that didn’t make any goddamn sense. Did it? “Shit.”

“Hey, he’s asleep, again, I know Doc said that was normal but...” Eddie sounds so dang resigned that all Buck wants to do is wrap him in a blanket and hold on to him. It doesn’t seem right for him to look so sad, not when he just got his kid back. Jesus, he almost hadn’t. If Buck had been any other person, who knows what would have happened to that kid. Oh god… he does know. 

“Eddie...” He honestly doesn’t know how to ask this. Buck watches The other man carefully. Brows turned downward as he tries to push the question out. 

“Buck?” 

“I’m not… I’m not normal am I?” 

It scares him to think that he might not be. That whatever it was they did that week during the last training exercise, to him and the others, and make no mistake there had been others, changed him in ways he wasn’t sure he was ready to accept. Being immune to the bite was one thing but this… this was crazy.

“Buck… hey... look at me,” 

He hasn’t realized he’d zoned out again. Eddie was standing in front of him, a warm hand on his shoulder slid up, cupping the back of his neck. Grounding him back into the present. “You’re as normal as I am, okay.” 

Buck could only shake his head, “Eddie, something’s wrong… I feel...” He brings his hand up just above his stomach, “I---”

“There is _nothing_ wrong with you.” He’s adamant about that but Buck can’t help it, think it. Eddie is wrong. He opens his mouth to tell him but he gets cut off. “ _Buck_ , there is nothing wrong with _you_.” Eyebrows raised slightly, head tilting, Eddie’s eyes seem to peer right into him, as if he’s trying to push an answer in. “How long have you been feeling this way?” 

It hits him then and there, his voice cracks, “Always…” But no, that’s not the right answer, is it? He looks into Eddie’s eyes and feels that same stirring in his gut, it’s not a warning though. It’s more like stones in his stomach, heart beating at an uncomfortable pace. He knows the real answer. Buck opens his mouth to say something, anything but his lips start to tremble, shakes his head. Eddie releases the hold on his neck and slides his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in. Buck didn’t realize how hard he was shaking ‘till he was holding him, murmuring softly. “It’s okay,” 

Buck doesn’t know how long they stand there but after a while he lets Eddie lead him over to the sofa. They both sit down, not a spare inch between them. It’s quiet, the sun’s already moved higher into the sky. it's still morning but it feels like so much has happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eternal gratitude to the peeps at the 9-1-1/Buddie discord for their continuing encouragement. My thanks to nilshkiY on the Buddie discord for beta this for me.


End file.
